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July 1 , 2007
Back in the 60's the great song stylist Peggy Lee cut a record that, 40 years later, still holds us captive by its bittersweet lyrics and her haunting rendition. “Is That All There Is?” As I hear the song again in my head, the words tell of one who sees her life as having come up empty, whose dreams are unfulfilled, and one who has surrendered the journey, “solet’s keep dancing, let’s break out the booze and have a ball, -if that’s all there is.” It is not a song of joy but one of despair. Too often these are the sentiments of people who find themselves suddenly at “middle age,” and with it, the realization that their youth has tip-toed by and disappeared somewhere in yesterday. There is a troubling sense that the best is past, and a fear of what the future brings. If you are one of those, I offer some thoughts from my own perch more than a couple of decades up the ladder of life. Chuck the Regrets. We like to think we’d do it all “better” the next time, but that is assuming we would know what we know now. How could we? Our thinking and understanding are always evolving. Besides, regretting the past puts a major drag on today and the future. Rather than pondering what might have been, do a mental shift and work on the answer to this: “What can I do now that I could not do before?” Discover the Gifts in Your Attic. We all have gifts, but the urgency of youth and our raging hormones relegate them to a dark attic for so many years we sometimes forget they are there. Barbara Sher writes in her wonderful book, It’s Only Too Late If You Don’t Start Now,” that “the goals you pursue in your second life, because they come from your deepest gifts unimpeded by the obstacle of you, can lead you to greatness.” Challenge Your Mind. Calcification of the mind is not something willed on older people by the Gods, but what happens when we cease exploring possibilities, examining new ideas, etc....about themselves, others and life. Read, stay informed, challenge yourself in ways you have never done and spend some of your time with young, creative people. Stay a Bit Off-Center. Beware of conformity. The most fun, creative people I know are responsible, productive citizens AND a bit outrageous at times as well. As Don Quixote says in Impossible Dream, “Who knows where madness lies. Perhaps to be too practical is madness.” Laugh Often. Laugh regularly at life, especially at yourself. Trying to make too much sense of it all is a sure road to nowhere. A Good Deed Every Day. A dear friend, some years older than I, (when I was in my sixties he called me “young man”), had a personal policy to which he was dedicated: doing at least one good deed every day. That good deed might be just a simple little note or phone call to someone or a special thank you. It might be sending someone an item he read in a newspaper or magazine that he thought would be of interest to them. The point in this is to go a little out of our way each day for someone. Aside from brightening someone else’s day, these little acts of thoughtfulness make ours better too. Take Care of Your Body. Most of us gave our bodies a lot of punishment when we were younger, but we need to lighten the load. Stay moving (walking, exercise, sports that agree with your body ); drink 8 ounces of water a day; regular check-ups; dump unhealthy habits. Simple rules that will increase the chances that the vehicle that carts your mind around will go well over 200,000 miles, even if you lose a hub cap or must replace some hoses. Find and Nourish Your Spiritual Self. I’m not necessarily talking about religion, unless religion is how you nourish your spirituality. I believe there is a spiritual side to all of us, though we define it differently. Nourishing it brings peace to our deepest selves. Forget Retirement. Our industrial society created the idea of “retirement:” labor for the company store for 40 to 50 years, then retire for a check big enough to pay the rent and feed the family, and then, because you are too old now to do honest work, retire to the recliner, and to true old age. There is no retirement for anyone doing what he or she loves to do, whether it is what they have always done, or some new thing they have always wanted to do. Life is a 3-Act play. It is tough to make sense of the first act. Who is who? What is going on? And then we see the hero starting out on his/her adventure. In the 2nd Act, crises occurs, challenging the hero. For some, one crises is middle-age. Finally, in Act 3, the whole picture begins to come together and we see resolution. If it has been a good play, we feel both disappointment and satisfaction. Disappointment because we were truly enjoying the adventure. Satisfaction because the hero prevailed. So, don’t be startled at finding yourself somewhere in Act 2, but instead, be awakened to the possibilities that lie ahead, for a richer life as your play unfolds. ********************************************************************************** “The truth is, there’s somebody inside you who
hasn’t happened yet, and who’s been waiting to ********************************************************************************** Changing Gears When I began these Thoughts over 7 years ago, I wrote that I was not sure how often the letters would be forthcoming. I did not want to tie myself to a schedule. But I nevertheless committed myself to producing the letter twice a month, specifically on the 1st and 15th, and with rare exception have lived up to that. While on one hand I did not want to be “burdened” by dates, I also knew myself well enough to know that observing specific deadlines would serve to motivate me. Often, between letters, I would think, “I don’t know what I am going to write next time...” but, as the publication date approached, I somehow would latch onto some thought, some idea, and would become energized to write about it. The idea of not meeting a commitment literally “scares” me into action, my observations of events and behaviors intensifies, and creative juices begin to flow. And I write. But the time has come to free myself from this self-imposed routine. Other writing and other activities need more room. So, this will be the last letter routinely sent. It might even be the last Thoughts, but I suspect not. In the event it should be the final, final, I want to thank all of you who have, from time to time, written about how Thoughts has inspired you or given you new insights. The pleasure is mine in writing them, often helping to clarify my own thinking on some subject or another. (I have long believed the writer learns more about the subject than the reader.) It is an incredible serving of frosting on the cake to know that Thoughts are enjoyed by others.
To read the previous issue's articles
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Copyright 2000-2007 Bob Bone All rights reserved |